The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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