How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
