If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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