Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
