gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
