just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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