Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
