I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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