I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
