Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
