Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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