Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
