Your face is a jimmy john
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
