I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
