Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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