So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
