whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
