Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
