And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
