I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
