Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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