I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
