So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
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Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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