After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
