Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
