So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
