i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
