hotel room ftw
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
