im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
