actually, I'm a sock model
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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