I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
