tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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