I'm jealous of your bromance
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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