If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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