I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This is the high leading the old right now
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
