That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize