WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
