I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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