Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
