i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
