these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
