I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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