Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
