Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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