I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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