before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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