she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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