And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
