You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
