youre lurking in front of me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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