so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
