found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The best revenge is premature balding
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
