Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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