is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
