mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
