My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
