whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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