her facebook's as public as her vagina
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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