So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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