His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
