Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
