shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
