she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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