I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
