like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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