i would punch a child for taco bell
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
