We named our party play list daddy issues
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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