farters have to be the big spoon...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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