A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
