FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
